...but it's always funny!

Me+Work+Boredom+Imovie+Stock Footage=Genius

Things that make me laugh

MY NEW FETISH!!

Where has this been all my life? Up until now, every time I've looked at porn - be it gonzo, straight, scat, tranny or otherwise - I've always felt there was something else out there. You know, something that was gonna push the limits of eroticism and make my balls literally explode all over the room in a bloody, cummy slippery mess.

I always knew I would know it when I saw it, and guess what? I just saw it.

If you get off on shitty photoshop jobs of naked girls being squeezed until they piss, shit and cum themselves to death as much as i do, you're gonna love this.

Shoulda seen the other guy

Check out my sweeeeeeet new black eye I got this weekend. Second one in the last 2 months. My co-workers officially think I'm going to snap any moment and beat them up. Oh, they scared!!

Like you care (sniff)

Mmmm, babies...

The art of looking awkward

Check out cartoonist John "Robot Johnny" Martz's rendering of his mom's entire 1968 yearbook right here. Pretty cool stuff.

Read the Boing Boing article here

Holy shit! The worst rap battle EVER!

Holy fucking shit holy fucking shit hoooooooooly fucking shit!!!! Peep this Atlanta high school public access style rap battle. The first guy is terrible but the second guy...WHOA!!!! Is he retarded? I think he's retarded. You be the judge!

WHAT THE HOLY FUCK?

About 6 years ago, when I was living in Clinton Hill, I was given a flyer as I passed by one of the local churches. It was forsome sort of live appearance by some dude named BibleMan. He looked kinda like a RoboCop cum Power Ranger. I laughed all the way home where I posted the flyer on my fridge.

Then years later I come to find out that BibleMan wasn't just some shitty character dreamed up by some shitty Brooklyn church. He has his own damn TV show!

Fuck that!

If your familiar with porn (lord knows I am) then you've probably heard of the company Evil Angel, run by John "Buttman" Stagliano. Hailed as the father of the "gonzo" genre, his smut is consistently awesome and boner inducing.

Apparently Buttman is facing some very serious federal obscenity charges for a couple of his films that aren't even that obscene (relative to a lot of the other stuff that's out there). It seems the Feds have arbitrarily decided to start thumping their bibles again for the good of the American public.

Now you may not watch porn or you may not give a shit, but I find these developments deeply disturbing, as this is an industry in which I eventually want to make a living. Ha, bet you didn't know I wanted to be a porn producer. But yeah, that's actually a genuine goal for me--to produce my own brand of awesome smut.

Anyhoo, if you want to read the article, you can find it here. And you can bet your sweet round ass I'll be following this one very closely.

Things that make me laugh

Teee heeeee!


Peep da rest

Soweeee!

I had a crazy dream last night that I was at a yard sale for some dead Archaeologist. I found some old manuscript which I attempted to read aloud, and in doing so I opened the gates of hell and brought about the beginning of hell on earth. Woops!

This dream seemed like it went on all night. It was crazy! After I opened the gates of hell there was a giant ball rolling around running people over. People were sticking to the sides of it, moaning and hollering and shit. The more people it rolled over the bigger it got until it was like 8 fucking miles high! I got caught up in it but manage to get off at some point.

That's when I met a couple of people who were part of some rebel group fighting against satan. They ran a restaurant in an area that apparently hadn't been affected by the whole hell on earth thing. They offered me a job in the kitchen. I took it. The catch was it was a 3 day trek through the woods because we couldn't use the roads. Apparently there were satanic robotic sentinels patrolling the paths looking for us. They were called Dave-Bots. They all looked like some goofy looking guy named Dave who had a goofy ass mustache and a dumb haircut. Don't let their appearance fool you though, they were very bad dudes. There were skinhead droids looking for us too but they just drank beer and circle pitted most of the time. Pretty harmless.

That's where things get a little fuzzy. I recall offing a Dave-Bot with a sniper rifle, my roomate dressed like a ninja and working for Satan, and losing one of my shoes. There were lot's of guns and blood and shit. Overall a pretty rad dream. 2 Thumbs up!

While I'm on the subject of Japan...

How the hell did this one slide by? Apparently this is from some young parenting magazine - an article about "papa's image training" or some shit. He he he.

Beaks!

That's right, it's the snack that bites you back! Hey-oooooooooo!!!!

My friend was visiting from Japan and she brought with her many strange and wonderful snacks. The one that I found to be the most disturbing of the bunch was a big ol'bag full of squid beaks. That's right, beaks. They look just like parrot beaks wrapped in strange oily meat. But unlike the crabs I wrote about previously, these things are fucking delicious. It's kinda like making out with a bird, except instead of kissing you just bite its face off. Yum!

Little Tards Plan Teachers Demise!

The only way this story would have been better is if they actually pulled it off. Holy shit, what is the world coming to?

Little Tards Plan Teachers Demise!